To forgive and forget is one of the hardest things to do and it seems foolish because it defies logic. Our human logic tells us that we should get revenge when someone wrongs us...we want them to suffer like we suffer. But we must take on the logic of God if we want to forgive and be free of the pain that someone has caused. Let's face it...forgiveness is a necessary element to turn heartbreak into heartmake. In some cases, the only person we need to forgive is our self. Forgiving myself for the bad choices I had made was, by far, the hardest thing I had to do. Since hindsight is always 20/20, I thought about all the things I could have done differently to prevent heartache. After my "wake up call", I beat myself up and blamed
me for everything. But there was a brief period of time when I pointed the finger at the other person which gave an open window for anger and hatred to come into my spirit. It was a mind-boggling experience and I'm 1,000 times grateful that I wasn't destroyed by poisonous hate. For about a month or so after my pregnancy I was so angry. When I took the time to think of my circumstances and how my life had turned out, it made my blood boil. Inexplicably, each time my anger would reach that level, I would get an excruciating sharp pain in the center of my back that would drop me to the ground. It was as if someone was stabbing me with a knife and the pain was unbearable...to the point where I could only focus on the physical pain and not the emotional. That happened three times before I started to get the big picture and I decided I would no longer harbor feelings of anger, jealousy, and hate. I wanted to banish any negative feelings that may have been festering inside of me because I knew they would keep me from what God had in store for me. Like always, I had to call on God to turn the negativity into positivity!
The life-draining energy it takes to be angry or jealous was the first thing that God brought to my attention. I asked myself..."is anybody or anything really worth me feeling as if my life is being sucked away?" An ounce of jealousy is like venom that can eat a person alive. Just a taste of me being consumed was all it took for me to vow to never be jealous of anyone again. No one was worth the energy, especially when I had no legit reason. God reminded me that He creates everyone with a special purpose. Although some may choose not to fulfill their purpose, everyone still has their own purpose...which means that my purpose, is MY purpose! Therefore being jealous of anyone else is a ridiculous waste of time. Jealousy is the root of hatred, so as soon as my feelings of jealousy disappeared (which seemed to happen overnight) all the hatred that I had felt disappeared as well. God showed me that hate is a poison that hardens the heart which makes the act of true love impossible. A hardened heart can neither give, nor receive love. This I will never forget because I want nothing more than to love and be loved in return.
Forgiveness is the key and the first step to heartmake. It's the hardest step but once it's taken, the others easily follow. God is in the forgiving business! Since we deal with imperfect human beings who have the potential to break our hearts, we need to be in the forgiving business too. I will tell you from experience...once forgiveness becomes easy, you will take on a whole new level of maturity and be FREE!
