Years ago, someone told me that the best way to get over a guy is to get a new one. I now know that advice is the dumbest thing a person can do after a break-up (especially if it's a bad break-up). I haven't had a ton of relationships but if I found myself hurt after one ended, I would just find something (or someone) to distract me from the pain I was feeling instead of taking time to work on me. It's a vicious cycle that many get themselves into and mine began when my high school sweetheart and I started to go our separate ways. It wasn't a bad break-up but he was my first true love and the thought of not spending the rest of my life with him was devastating (that's teen love for ya haha). I couldn't imagine ever getting over him and I was too immature and naive to know any better. Therefore, I wasted no time finding a distraction.When moving on, a distraction can be a good thing if it's a positive distraction. However, mine was not. Even though I didn't spend my life immediately beginning a new relationship when one ended, I wasn't using my single time properly. I gave more attention to trying to find "the one" than I gave to myself. But guess what....after my "wake up call", I woke up! A person needs time to heal from a failed relationship or the same issues (and even some new ones) will be carried into the next relationship. I declared that I would not start a new relationship until I was completely and utterly over the old one. I think it's important for people to learn and know how to be happy while single, so I took time out to date myself. I spent time getting to know me and loving me. I took myself on dates, gave myself compliments, I pampered myself...I treated myself how I wanted a man to treat me. It may sound silly but if you can't treat yourself well, how can you expect someone else to treat you well?! It quickly became apparent that I didn't need a relationship to be happy. I wanted a relationship...but I didn't need one. I had never been able to realize or admit that prior. I, surprisingly, became so happy with being single that I wanted to protect that happiness. No drama, no stress, and being concerned with only myself was a much easier life and I started to wonder if the work of a relationship was even worth it. **That was how my logical and sane brain was thinking but of course I know when love hits you, it hits you! And all logic and sanity goes right out the window and of course you absolutely feel like a relationship is worth all the work** Even so, I've attempted two relationships since I dated myself but each relationship had a VERY short shelf-life. I'm no longer willing to accept the unacceptable and I couldn't care less to move on if I'm, at all, unhappy. There's no need to settle for unhappiness in a relationship if I'm perfectly capable of being happy by myself. In my opinion...time for "self" is imperative and will make for better relationships.
