An Open Book

There are times when I am utterly and completely uncomfortable with having this blog. I've asked myself often, "should I delete it?" I'm constantly trying to think of a legit reason to remove my life from the Internet for the world to see. But then I will talk to someone who is going through a difficult situation, and I decide against it. It's far more easier for me to just let someone read my testimony (I'm terrible at expressing myself when talking). Furthermore, I don't want to be like the man who buried his talent and did nothing with it. I believe if there is something we love to do (whether we're good at it or bad), we should use it to God's glory. So, I continue to put myself in this vulnerable state because in the grand scheme of things it's not about me... it's about fulfilling a purpose. I've never been a person who gets advice from people or talks to anyone about my problems. I take everything to God... I know He will never steer me wrong. On top of that, I was a very private person and not big on showing my weaknesses, therefore this blog contradicts how I perceive myself to be to the very core.

Since I never in a million years foreseen my life happening the way it has, overcoming shame is probably what I've struggled with the most. However, I've found transparency to be the remedy for the anguish of shame. Owning my mistakes, poor decisions, foolishness, and then realizing that they don't have to define me has diminished my feelings of shame. Now, I would be lying if I said that my circumstances never cause me to feel inadequate (I have my moments), but I just push right past those moments of insecurity and grasp onto the power of God. I'm not the best writer in the world but since I love to write, I use it as a vehicle to share with others how God has blessed me. I still have a thing for privacy and I only share what is necessary to make a point (at least I try to) but I've found that my transparency, as uncomfortable as it may be, is most healing.