HeartMAKE
"Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better." Ecc.7:3
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Truth Is...
The caption of this blog is a scripture that suggests that sorrow is not a bad thing and is better than laughter. This doesn't mean that I believe people should be sorrowful and I certainly don't want them to be. Anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE to laugh, and I laugh... a lot! I only want people to understand that sorrow has the potential to be the best thing that could ever happen to us. And since we all face it at some point in our lives we need to utilize the time wisely. Without sadness, many of us would never turn to God... and He knows this. When we are weak, He is strong. I believe God takes pleasure in showing us how mighty He is... especially when the enemy is trying so hard to make us focus on our weaknesses. Because I continuously turned to God in the midst of my mess, I can honestly say that I have reached a constant point of joy, peace, and love in my life... It surpasses all understanding. And I'm still growing. But ONLY because of the grace, mercy, and love that God gives to me every second of every day. Although my circumstances have not always been easy, I am very blessed to have three beautiful and healthy children who have great fathers that help me (physically and financially) without a moments pause. We have terrific relationships and I don't have to deal with the so-called "drama" that so many single mothers and fathers have to deal with. It's really quite amazing how God has blessed me in spite of my foolishness. I am forever grateful for the good times and even more grateful for all the bad times.
Monday, October 3, 2011
I once was lost...
What he didn't know is that there once was a time when I spent my days and nights being mortified because I had believed the very words that he had said to me. It took me a ton of praying, soul-searching, etc. to get past it. I would not even speak the words "my kids have different dads" and would cringe at just the thought of someone else reminding me of my circumstances. I've come a long way since then. God has shown me countless times how valuable I am... How worthy I am. NOT because I am such a great person, but because I am His child and He loves me more than my mind can conceive. Now that I know my worth, I sometimes forget about the negative light which my circumstances can cast on those who don't know anything about me. Nevertheless, my friend sure gave me a reminder.
As we continued our conversation we moved onto other subjects and I kind of forgot about what he had said. However, about 1o minutes after hanging up the phone, his words suddenly came back to me and I could not hold back the tears. I cried. BUT it was a good cry. So many thoughts of how far God has brought me, overwhelmed me with emotion. I vividly remembered how I was once so tortured by the truth that my children had different fathers. It literally haunted me! I went through so much to overcome that shame, with a smile on my face while dying inside. Sadly, no one knew the anguish I felt... it was a lonely time. Then, I realized how that truth no longer had control over me and it was no longer able to kill my hope. I cried even more.
I wiped my tears after continuously thanking God and it was apparent at that moment that although God has healed me, I will never forget the pain I went through. The best way to describe it is to compare it to a C-Section scar. I have never had one but everyone that I talk to who has had one says that after their incision heals (even years after), the area still feels tender... different. That perfectly describes my situation. Now, I can't help but think... God delivered me from my shame... by C-section! God has closed up the wound. I'm all healed now (by His stripes) and the scarring is minimal. But when that area of my life is touched (as my friend touched it with his words), it feels tender and I know... I remember, that there was once an open wound there. It doesn't hurt any more... I don't even feel it... unless it's touched. I am very grateful for the reminder. I suppose I need it every now again to ensure that I NEVER forget what God has done in my life.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thank You Lord...
I always pray for God to help me to be grateful and appreciate the good in my life because I never want something to be taken away from me before I realize what a blessing it is. I guess that's why I'm always aware of what a blessing it is to have good health and to have my children be in good health. My heart sincerely goes out to those who have poor health conditions. People with good health can never truly understand what it's like to deal with a life of sickness... we can only imagine. And there's nothing on this Earth that humbles me more than trying to imagine. It makes me feel so ridiculous to complain about anything... and it should! Some of my most sincere prayers are the ones I say when asking for the comfort and healing of the people I know who are sick. And then I always thank God from the bottom of my heart that neither I, nor my children have to suffer that way. I know God only gives us what we can bare but I am sure I'm too weak of a person to carry the burden of having a sick child or losing a child. Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that it could happen at any time... but my mind just won't let me conceive it. When it comes to that type of sorrow, I am without a doubt at a loss for words.
I know more than enough people who have poor health and my hope will always be for the healing of their bodies. I wish that no one had to suffer that way but we all have giants in our lives that we have to face at some point. True... some people face bigger giants than others. But the bigger the giants, the harder they fall.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Meant For Our Good
It can be extremely difficult to have faith through tough times. Even when God has revealed something to you and you know without a doubt that it will come to pass, there will still be times when doubt rears it's ugly head. Why? Because the enemy never passes up a chance to cause chaos and confusion in our lives. He wants to destroy the faith we have in God. But we HAVE to KNOW that God will ALWAYS do what He says He will do. It doesn't matter how things may look in our eyes... He's always working behind the scene on our behalf. Although I know and believe this with every fiber of my being, I still have times when I get beyond discouraged. I loathe the discouragement but I can appreciate it at the same time because our faith cannot be strengthened if it's never tested. Faith is what turns heartbreak into heartmake. No matter what we may face in this sometimes cruel life, there has to be something inside of us that motivates us to persevere. Whenever I feel down, worried, stressed, or just plain tired, I try to remember this... God created this world. He keeps the sun, moon, and stars in place and He keeps the Earth spinning. If He can do all that, surely He can handle anything that I may be dealing with... and He will. That's called putting things into perspective. We should never let our problems get bigger than God... just have faith that He's got it (even when it doesn't seem like it).
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Been there, done that...
So after a healthy dose of soul searching, I came up with the conclusion... I am me. I love me... just the way I am. I'm not perfect, but even my imperfections make ME, me. I think God will, at times, bring people into our lives who will cause us to evaluate (or reevaluate) who we are as individuals. I had someone tell me that they didn't understand me and made it seem as if I was this tough puzzle to be solved. I almost believed it. Because this one person (who meant so much to me) couldn't figure me out, I started trying to figure out who I was so I could help that person understand. The only problem... I already knew who I was! I had figured it out years ago. But still I felt like something must be wrong with me because this person didn't understand me... until I snapped out of it! I had an "aha" moment and realized that I'm not meant to be understood by everyone. And it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong with me when I am misunderstood... it could possibly mean that something is wrong with whoever misunderstands. OR simply that the person is not meant to be a part of my life. Whatever the case may be, I believe everyone comes into your life for a reason (no matter how long they stay). It's up to us individually to figure out what that reason is. I can never change my personality so the people who have a problem with it or who don't understand it are going to have to take that up with God, I guess. My character I do have the power to change and I work on improving it everyday. I don't have the best character, but I know it's good. Therefore, I will never again let someone lead me to believe that I need to "figure me out" because they can't figure me out.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Just shut up and write!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
His Passion
Monday, February 7, 2011
~Sorrow Knows No Name
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Now I Know...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wow!
Friday, December 10, 2010
...So Be Yourself!
Friday, October 15, 2010
~Saying Goodbye
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Iron Sharpens Iron
Thursday, August 5, 2010
An Open Book
Since I never in a million years foreseen my life happening the way it has, overcoming shame is probably what I've struggled with the most. However, I've found transparency to be the remedy for the anguish of shame. Owning my mistakes, poor decisions, foolishness, and then realizing that they don't have to define me has diminished my feelings of shame. Now, I would be lying if I said that my circumstances never cause me to feel inadequate (I have my moments), but I just push right past those moments of insecurity and grasp onto the power of God. I'm not the best writer in the world but since I love to write, I use it as a vehicle to share with others how God has blessed me. I still have a thing for privacy and I only share what is necessary to make a point (at least I try to) but I've found that my transparency, as uncomfortable as it may be, is most healing.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Self Reflection
When moving on, a distraction can be a good thing if it's a positive distraction. However, mine was not. Even though I didn't spend my life immediately beginning a new relationship when one ended, I wasn't using my single time properly. I gave more attention to trying to find "the one" than I gave to myself. But guess what....after my "wake up call", I woke up! A person needs time to heal from a failed relationship or the same issues (and even some new ones) will be carried into the next relationship. I declared that I would not start a new relationship until I was completely and utterly over the old one. I think it's important for people to learn and know how to be happy while single, so I took time out to date myself. I spent time getting to know me and loving me. I took myself on dates, gave myself compliments, I pampered myself...I treated myself how I wanted a man to treat me. It may sound silly but if you can't treat yourself well, how can you expect someone else to treat you well?! It quickly became apparent that I didn't need a relationship to be happy. I wanted a relationship...but I didn't need one. I had never been able to realize or admit that prior. I, surprisingly, became so happy with being single that I wanted to protect that happiness. No drama, no stress, and being concerned with only myself was a much easier life and I started to wonder if the work of a relationship was even worth it. **That was how my logical and sane brain was thinking but of course I know when love hits you, it hits you! And all logic and sanity goes right out the window and of course you absolutely feel like a relationship is worth all the work** Even so, I've attempted two relationships since I dated myself but each relationship had a VERY short shelf-life. I'm no longer willing to accept the unacceptable and I couldn't care less to move on if I'm, at all, unhappy. There's no need to settle for unhappiness in a relationship if I'm perfectly capable of being happy by myself. In my opinion...time for "self" is imperative and will make for better relationships.
Friday, June 18, 2010
It's not logic...it's love!
The life-draining energy it takes to be angry or jealous was the first thing that God brought to my attention. I asked myself..."is anybody or anything really worth me feeling as if my life is being sucked away?" An ounce of jealousy is like venom that can eat a person alive. Just a taste of me being consumed was all it took for me to vow to never be jealous of anyone again. No one was worth the energy, especially when I had no legit reason. God reminded me that He creates everyone with a special purpose. Although some may choose not to fulfill their purpose, everyone still has their own purpose...which means that my purpose, is MY purpose! Therefore being jealous of anyone else is a ridiculous waste of time. Jealousy is the root of hatred, so as soon as my feelings of jealousy disappeared (which seemed to happen overnight) all the hatred that I had felt disappeared as well. God showed me that hate is a poison that hardens the heart which makes the act of true love impossible. A hardened heart can neither give, nor receive love. This I will never forget because I want nothing more than to love and be loved in return.
Forgiveness is the key and the first step to heartmake. It's the hardest step but once it's taken, the others easily follow. God is in the forgiving business! Since we deal with imperfect human beings who have the potential to break our hearts, we need to be in the forgiving business too. I will tell you from experience...once forgiveness becomes easy, you will take on a whole new level of maturity and be FREE!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Through her sorrow...
Thursday, June 3, 2010
What more could I ask for?!?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
First...
I Believe in Love~
My ability to touch and feel has been magnified.
I never knew the bark of a tree could feel so amazing...until I knew love.
The smell of a rose left me speechless and the sound of thunder, great wonder.
I was unaware of the obvious before I knew love.
The taste of an orange is like no other and the beauty of snow cannot be compared.
There's no mind great enough to create the four seasons...the transitions alone take away my breath.
Love awakened me!
I had no idea that I could not see...until I could.
The wisdom of love came easy, but believing in love...takes everything in me.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I Surrender
Sunday, May 30, 2010
My Wake Up Call...Part 2
I guess a small part of me felt rejection but that was the least of my problems. What hurt me more than anything was me. I couldn't believe how my life was playing out and I blamed myself for everything. The thought of my circumstances brought me more sorrow than the thought of being rejected. A relationship with that particular person was not what I truly wanted but I couldn't even fathom the idea that anybody worth having would want me and my circumstances OR that I could actually raise three children by myself. What frightened me more than anything was being alone...forever! I must say that God had me right where He needed me to be...broken-hearted, alone, and with nowhere else to turn. Little did I know, God was about to take me on a journey that would teach me that...1. I would never be alone, and 2. He wants the best for me so I should never settle for less.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
My Wake Up Call...Part 1
"I don't love you anymore...I love her." That was all it took...those eight words, which seemed harmless when spoken individually, were said together to convey a message that meant devastation for me. Since I was 7 months pregnant with my third child, those words meant that I would have three children, by three different men, and would still be alone. That was a reality which I was NOT ready to face. But I had no choice. Those eight words immediately caused the churning in my stomach to cease and the pounding of my heart to stop. Though my heart was still present, it was shattered into pieces and in no condition to perform the act of beating me in my chest. When the physical activity that was taking place within my body came to a halt, numbness enveloped me. During the few minutes in which my body was in a numb state, I imagined it was being filled with water...like a gigantic pot being filled with water under the steady stream of water from a faucet. When there was no more room left to hold the constant flow of water which was filling me up, it began to flow at record speed from my eyes in the form of tears. The end of the end had arrived.
The Purpose
I'm not an expert on how to prevent a broken heart but I believe that the heartache that I've endured and survived gives me all the credibility that I need to share my mind, heart, and soul with other's. It's NOT easy to let people in and show your vulnerabilities but I feel inspired to share my life...my trials...my lessons...and my unspeakable joy which has resulted from my discovery of TRUE love.
*Note: Although heartache can come in many forms and for many reasons, In this blog I will mainly be sharing my personal thoughts, opinions, and experiences concerning love and heartache when dealing with relationships. I should also say that I speak only for myself and not for all women.
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About Me
- Ebony TyShell
- I love God because I realize that He first loved me. I am a single mother of a son and two daughters. They definitely keep me on my toes and are part of the reason why I strive to follow the path of righteousness.
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