My Wake Up Call...Part 2

I had been waiting for the "end of the end" for quite some time. Although I was pregnant, My relationship had ended months prior because of certain things which had transpired but I continued to hold on a little too long. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ended a relationship but then let it linger on hoping that "this time it might be different." I knew without a doubt that my relationship needed to be finished for good but the fact that I was pregnant caused me to yield and convince myself that the situation would work itself out. It was certainly devastating to hear those eight words, but at the same time those eight words saved me. In the blink of an eye, a gigantic weight was lifted off of me...I was free! I was free from making excuses for being in an unhealthy relationship...free from the thoughts of what "might" be...free from the torment of settling for unhappiness. After I hung up the phone (without a fight) I felt a million different emotions all at the same time but the greatest thing that I felt was closure. It seemed I had hit rock bottom but I was aware that the only place left for me to go was up, and that awareness kept me sane. At the time, I had no one to call, nowhere to escape, and since I was pregnant, I couldn't just smoke a pack of cigarettes or drink my problems away with alcohol. There was absolutely nothing I could do to pacify the pain...except pray.

I guess a small part of me felt rejection but that was the least of my problems. What hurt me more than anything was me. I couldn't believe how my life was playing out and I blamed myself for everything. The thought of my circumstances brought me more sorrow than the thought of being rejected. A relationship with that particular person was not what I truly wanted but I couldn't even fathom the idea that anybody worth having would want me and my circumstances OR that I could actually raise three children by myself. What frightened me more than anything was being alone...forever! I must say that God had me right where He needed me to be...broken-hearted, alone, and with nowhere else to turn. Little did I know, God was about to take me on a journey that would teach me that...1. I would never be alone, and 2. He wants the best for me so I should never settle for less.